My
last weekend to sell the things I have, to make money for the trip, and
mother nature funk'd me again. No rain when I went to bed, rain when I
woke up to prepare for the sales, then the bottom opened up on the
skies, so after waiting for two hours for it to stop, and the weather
station SHOWING that it wasn't, I went back to bed to find out it quit
raining around 8am....One hour after I went back to sleep...It played me
the same way Last Saturday. I started these sales The second weekend of
January, and ever since only two Saturdays were clear, But man where
they cold and windy..Landfill is going to get full next week.. I Don't know what to do now. I have to move out from where I'm living next Saturday and Sunday. then its train, train, train, Ride till me legs feel like they are going to fall off..Now I'm forced to sell the van, I didn't want to sell it, But I must now..As I stated on Facebomb, The maps are in, now I need bike spare parts, water filter/purifier, front rack & bag for the bike, and some odds and ends for camping, and Last..MY Whites Coinmaster Pro metal detector, for finding fun and fortune..
I pray that all the bad luck I'm having to set this up will dissipate, for when I head out. The whole reason for this trip is to shake this black cloud over my head, and to refresh the more open and easy going person I once was, that most folks enjoined being around. Most can't stand to be around me for very long due to my negative look on life. Yes, even in my younger days, people said I looked at the negative side of things, But i tried to explain when it happens so much its not pessimism, its experience. Like playing the lottery, you play in hope of that 1 in 15,000,000,000 will be your lucky day, however experience tells you your NOT going to hit it, are you a pessimist now because you know the out come EVEN though you push on and continue?
THAT'S MY LIFE!!! I know the outcome, or I know hows its going to play out. I've read the script a hundred times over, I know my roll in the play..This computer and all the others I have, I have to have someone else work on them, If its as simple as putting a disc in the CVD rom and push OK, their still will be issues..ALWAYS, John H. has sat next to me and watched as I repeat his very steps in adding a program and making it work, and he's shocked on how it operates fine without a hitch for him, and I keep getting problems..""You don't need to be working with computers your cursed, AND You might want to re-think this trip your planning"". NO I'm doing it, and I know I'll have stop blocks popping up at every step along the way..and so far my pessimism hasn't let me down, thus my experience in MY life. The fights have been exactly where I knew they would be, And I see more to come before I gone. SO should I just stop and roll up into a ball and die?? Hell no I push on, YES I Bitch, I bitch because its so damn predictable. I'm not you, your not me, we handle our life experiences differently. If folks think I whine to much when I'm around them, good think they aren't around my windows when I'm alone, Then they would see the dark side of my whining, The anger that follows that gives me energy to push on further past what was dealt to me from the Gods of humor, boredom and faith.. I can almost bet Gabriel & Loki has their hands in this. At least when I'm on the road, There might be new surprises in it for me.
The Tornado that has always been in me dreams when I was in my 20s to mid 30s might come about, no I don't die from it, but I am able to feel the wind in my face from it.. Making it to Oregon looking out at the Pacific ocean might be where my dreams of standing on black rocks while the waves crash before me, as I stare towards a full moon so large That it seems I could just reach out a pick it form the sky as if it was a apple hanging from a tree.. Something is calling me out, and I'm going to chase it now, the signs has been going on for two decades. and it seems the more I fight leaving, the more the fight I have at staying..
Time to get busy..
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